


Does He Know?

by Hevheia



Series: The Old Guard Duolingo Prompts [13]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: M/M, Pining, Pre-Canon, accidental love confession
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:27:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28880220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hevheia/pseuds/Hevheia
Summary: “Does he know?”Nicolò clears his throat and focuses on the scimitar again, pretending to clean the spotless metal. “Does he know what?”“Does he know that you love him?”
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: The Old Guard Duolingo Prompts [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1952467
Comments: 22
Kudos: 283





	Does He Know?

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Does he know that you love him? (Sa che lo ami?)

The repetitive sound of the whetting stone on his blade makes Nicolò’s mind come to rest. As does Quynh’s presence next to him, patiently crafting arrows with nimble fingers. Upon meeting her a couple of months ago, Nicolò never would have thought an energetic presence such as she could be so calming at the same time.

She even seems to notice when he needs the quietude, because she was the one to send Andromache and Yusuf to town for supplies. She didn’t say anything afterwards, just quietly joined Nicolò.

Nicolò is grateful to her, for his mind has trouble finding peace. It has been like this ever since he discovered his gift or curse or ability or whatever else one might call it. Ever since he discovered Yusuf had the same gift, ever since he travelled with him and came to know him. Ever since he understood all the horrifying things he had done.

The chaos inside, a gut-wrenching mess of thoughts and feelings and values proven wrong, with a burning agony of hollowing guilt underlying it all, has only amplified since he realized that what he was feeling for Yusuf was-

No. It does not matter to name it. 

He shouldn’t consider impossible things, he knows as he puts his sword aside and takes Yusuf’s scimitar to clean it. For he knows all too well that Yusuf could never answer such- such… He will not.

Sometimes Yusuf reaches for him at night. The first time was a year ago, before Andromache and Quynh found them, but when Nicolò already understood the secret he will keep in his heart for eternity. Those times, Yusuf would suddenly appear by his bed with dark, star-filled eyes, and Nicolò would welcome him beneath the covers because he was still a selfish man and he could not bring himself to turn Yusuf away as he should. Not when Yusuf sighed against his lips and grew needy in his arms and made him believe he could reach heaven after all.

(He stayed awake those nights, just to draw out the time he could hold Yusuf in his arms as if it was the truth.)

They never speak of it afterwards, when the Sun chases away the shadows of Nicolò’s lies. Yusuf has tried once, but Nicolò said it was fine, that he understands and they do not have to talk about it. Nicolò did not wait for Yusuf’s answer and went away to get water.

Maybe this way, as maddeningly, excruciatingly tantalizing as it might be, Nicolò can keep it. This sliver of what it would be to have him, to be his. This sliver that he will treasure and worship and guard with his life for as long as Yusuf will let him.

The scimitar is as clean as if it has yet to taste its first drop of blood. His fingers gently stroke the hilt, the intricate filigree decoration. 

“Does he know?”

Even though she says it softly, Nicolò still jumps, looking up to find Quynh watching him, a neat pile of new arrows beside her. He wonders how long she’s been finished already.

Nicolò clears his throat and focuses on the scimitar again, pretending to clean the spotless metal. “Does he know what?”

“Does he know that you love him?”

Nicolò’s head snaps up again, staring at Quynh in shock. He opens his mouth to protest, to deny, to say anything to contradict it. But no words come out and the moment of their credibility passes. 

He closes his mouth and looks away. “It does not matter.”

“Why?” There’s genuine confusion in her voice.

“Because it could never be.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Nicolò says in growing exasperation, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing the palms of his hands against them, “it is not possible. Because I have done unspeakable things and I am not worthy of him. Because he is the oasis in the desert and the song that fills you with things so unfathomable you want to hear it again and again and again. Because he is the sun that brightens my days and warms my nights. Because he is Yusuf. Because he is Yusuf and he will never love me back.”

Nicolò is trembling in the silence that follows, pinching the bridge of his nose. There’s a gentle hand in his hair and he lets the breath he was holding escape him. 

A second later, though, he tenses again. The hand is too big to be Quynh’s. Mortified, Nicolò opens his eyes and slowly lifts his head. 

He finds dark, star-filled eyes.

“Why don’t you let him be the judge of that?” Yusuf whispers before pressing his lips to Nicolò in a kiss that tells Nicolò all the reasons why he does, in fact, love him back.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, here is another first kiss scenario, cause you can never have enough of those. 😌


End file.
